Friday, September 7, 2012

Like An Avalanche.

"And I find myself here on my knees again...(and again. and again. and again). 
Caught up in grace like an avalanche.  
Nothing compares to this love, love, love...burning in my heart."
 -Like an Avalanche by Hillsong United (the extra agains were added for emphasis and dramatic effect. ;)) 

This song hit me like a ton of bricks at Sanctuary tonight. I've always liked it, but tonight it felt different. I felt like it was just what God needed to tell me. 

Tonight, I really just needed to here these words. I needed the reminder,  that God's grace is just pouring out and throughout my life.  Don't you just love that visual of grace like an avalanche? It just falls down on us over and over and over again. I cannot even fathom why this is sometimes, but fact is, it's there. Nothing truly can compare to it. 

Lately, I just haven't felt present. Well, fully present at least. I'm just worn out. I'm not giving it my all. (I'm mainly saying all this on here because I haven't wanted to admit it to myself...maybe putting it on here will help me realize that something's GOTTA FREAKIN GIVE).  It's not a good feeling. What the heck am I doing wrong? I feel like I'm whining but seriously! I need some semblance of normalcy or balance or something that will help me feel better about things. 

 And you know what else is driving me crazy? The things last year that helped me so much-the wonderful ways I kept "plugged in" at Lipscomb- have become so burdening to me this semester. I don't know if it's just because I'm exhausted or drained or what. I knew sophomore year was gonna be harder, but I'd like to feel up to doing more than just sleeping and being in bed all day. Right now that's all I ever wanna do. Everything else is just extra that I'm lucky to be able to have at my fingertips yet I waste it. 

It's not lack of God-I feel Him moving (trying to, at least). He keeps showing up everywhere in my life it seems lately. Apparently I'm just not good at reciprocating the same. 

I feel like I'm rambling a bit. But I digress.

My point is this: this week (past couple weeks really), I feel that God's been trying to remind me that I'm covered. I'm okay. I'm gonna get through whatever the heck it is that's going on that isn't nearly as important or worrisome as I make it out to be.  God's grace always has been, and always will be enough for me. Though I'm pretty sure I've screwed something up everyday this week. Amid my worries, my struggles, my sin--He's there. and He's working. and He loves me. Me?! Some days I can't believe it. Most days I don't deserve it. Okay, I never really deserve it (do any of us? the things I ponder at 12:30am).  
But He really does love me (and you, whomever reads this), and He really does give us this beautiful grace that I so need but don't deserve from the way I have been acting lately. I'm trying. I know that counts, but I need to really rethink my priorities and start working on my faith again. I find it so ironic how I come back to a school where God is truly alive yet I'm just sitting here letting Him pass by. Thank goodness for that grace. I don't know if I could function without it. 

 Jesus, how I adore you. (and I really, really, really do). 

Good night all. :) 

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