Right now, I'm wrestling with lots of decisions. Mainly, the decision of my major. Though I don't have to declare (yet!), that date is coming close, and if I don't make a definite decision soon I will get behind.
I have my advising this coming week (WAS supposed to have it Thursday but had to be rescheduled-seriously think God intervened there, because now things may be changing and it was better to wait another week to set it all in stone).
Most that know me know I came to LU as a History Education major. I love History, and I love teaching and learning so much, so it seemed a perfect fit, no? Well I then started doubting a few things-that I wasn't gonna be good enough to teach history (my history professors intimidated me. BIG time). That I couldn't handle teaching high school. Whether or not I wanted to teach English and History or just English, another subject I adore. What do I want to do? I just don't know.
Then I decided to change it-slightly. I changed from History Ed (7-12) to Middle School Ed (4-8), with my emphasis in History and English. Middle school is less content and more general education classes. At first I thought I'd like it more.
It really didn't make a difference what exact major I was this semester honestly, as I was in ALL gen-eds (ugh) and the intro education class, Schooling in America.
Now that it's time to go beyond gen-eds and go into new education classes, the thoughts and worries and regrets begin to loom: am I doing the right thing? Is History where my heart lies? Do I want to teach younger or older? I've been wrestling with this all week as I prepare my schedule.
I truly miss my History classes. This is the first time in over 5 years I haven't been in a History class, and it's killing me! I miss it. If I stay w/ Middle School Education, the only history's I have to take are more gen-ed ones, most of which I already tested out of thanks to AP classes. I wouldn't get to take any "fun" history classes like my history friends are in now (I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm slightly jealous of them, the classes sound so interesting. 'Tis the nerd in me).
on the other hand...
If I stay w/Middle School Ed, I'll get to be in a field experience again next semester thanks to my next education class. If I go ahead to History Ed, I'll have to wait til next fall for another class w/field experience.
If there's ONE thing I know, it's this: I love being in the classroom. I LOVE being at Julia Green this semester, and miss it when I'm not there. It's the highlight of my week. I'm gonna be so sad when it's over, and will be seriously sad if I don't have the opportunity to go back next semester. It's one of the reasons I'm debating staying where I am and just muddling through it. (All 19-20 hours of it next semester. That's how many hours may be on the radar if I stay in Middle School. YIKES).
There's one other thing I know-it's that God has a better plan. And that He happens to work in odd ways. Today, it happened to be through an email with this scripture in it:
The Lord will work out his plans for your life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me. Psalm 138:8
I just happened to get this email the day after going to talk to my education professor to see what I should do.
Yep, I tell ya God knows what He's doing. Even when I don't. (ESPECIALLY when I don't). He gives His wisdom when you ask for it too, I've learned that all too well. :-)
So I'm still not 100% which way I'm going yet (though I'm leaning one way more than the other). But for now, I'm just gonna trust that God will work it out. And I'm gonna be thankful for a God that opens my eyes to what I need to see. :) Happy fall, y'all! (and happy All Hallow's Eve-I'll be spending it listening to Christmas Music. I have NO shame). :P