So I'm still tripped up on thoughts from my last blog. My prayer over the past week or two has been for Him to invade my heart, and I think I'm finally starting to see what that look likes- and what letting Him love me truly means. I have by no means figured it out, but I think I'm finally starting to "get" it for myself. And that, for someone that has shielded her heart from any of those thoughts and feelings forever, is such progress, friends. Truly.
God spoke to this message of love again to me today, both through church and through (what else?!) a song. What can I say, I read into music and words more than the normal person!
At Ethos this morning, Dave talked about the temptation of Jesus; before He got to that, though, He mentioned something from the previous story-of Jesus' baptism.
He quoted Matthew 3:17, a scripture that I've always liked but until now really didn't think a lot about.
And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
Dave went on to reiterate this point twice: You are loved by God-because you exist.
Because I simply exist. Not because of who I am, or who I've been, or what I've done... but because I just am, because I merely exist, God loves me, and is jealous for me... for little ol' me. Who would've thought, huh? Gotta take a minute to let that sink in.
I really don't have time to "maintain these regrets" anymore, as David Crowder so aptly puts it. I can breathe, I can be, because I don't have to fight for that love. Ever. What a striking thought.
The rest of Dave's sermon was great, but that one little tidbit stuck to me. For good reason, of course. Another reminder of the love God so desperately wants to give if I'll let Him.
So the rest of the service came and went, with us singing How He Loves twice. This song always gets me, but with these new revelations about love, it's hitting me in a whole new way.
Fast forward to the afternoon...
I was listening to music in my room, just resting up for the week. I'd come across this song earlier this week, but I hadn't fully listened to it til today.
The lyrics got to me, kinda hard:
You might wanna close your eyes
It’ll take some time adjustin’
Welcome to your life
You’re everything you’ll someday be
There’s a weight off my shoulder
There’s laughter in the air
You are the answer to every midnight prayer
You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth all the dreaming of
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
You might wanna take your time
Takin’ all this technicolor, yeah
We’re on your side
Let us be the one you need
There’s a life on my shoulder
Laughter in the air
You are the answer to all those midnight prayers
You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth all the dreaming
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
Every time that my heart was broken
Every time that I’ve lost my wings
I forget when I look into your face
You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
‘Cause I’m right here
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth the dreaming of
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
So you might wanna close your eyes
To most, this probably looks like a sweet love song. And it is, for sure. After some digging, I found out it was written about his future son.. so sweet.
But to me... in this moment, in where I am in my walk, my romance with God... this is a song that speaks to what's going on in my restless soul. This is a love note from God himself, to make my heart swell with love and burst with joy. And it is, indeed. This song has made me smile ear to ear, giving me butterflies no boy could give. All because it is something I hear for myself as a love song from God. I'd have never thought about that before this season in my life.
It's like God is telling me these things straight from the song to my heart:
You're everything you'll someday be- His reminder that I am enough, that I am who I'm supposed to be- even when I don't feel like I am
You are the answer to every midnight prayer- isn't that such a sweet thought? Me, the answer to a prayer.
You're mine to love- I am all his to love and cherish and bring joy to.
We have all been waitin' on you-He's been patiently waiting for me to get this revelation on my own. Very, very patiently.
We’re on your side; let us be the one you need: He is on my side, He never leaves and He wants to be the one I need. He wants to be the one that fills my heart and soul up with this love and passion I crave. I just have to let Him be the one. That requires me in the equation, I've figured out.
I could go on, but I won't bore you. My point being: this song, not a worship song or a song written to be as such, has become my worship song for the moment, just because of the spirit-filled lyrics that have been imprinted on my heart. It might not have that impact on you, but I hope you find that song that opens up your heart and soul in such a way that it makes His spirit and love captivate you, like this song has for me.
One last thought: this song was written by a father as a love song to his son...and yet I read it as a love song from my Heavenly Father to me, his daughter... God moves in beautiful ways.
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