Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Build me up, buttercup. [a beautiful 2013 post]

This has nothing to do with the song mentioned in the title by The Foundations, but it IS stuck in my head now. And probably yours too. Hehe.

This whole "one word" thing is different, y'all. I like it though. It makes me focus and seriously dig into it.

So I did my first project/my first attempt towards a beautiful 2013 this weekend. I did this on a whim, instead of doing physics homework and my Psych paper. And I must say, it was quite a success. :)

In the last post, I mentioned I had an Oscar Wilde quote up on my door that I looked at everyday. Well, it's still there.

It was just joined by some friends in a mad fury of covering my floor-length mirror up on the door. (disclaimer to any RAs that read this, they all come off the door smoothly, it's tape! ;) )

People that know me well know how much words inspire me.  I love quotes. It's why I read so much and love to write-words just engage me and help me get through everything.

I read one particular quote and thought about how much I need to read it every day, in a place I can see it.   And that's where the idea began. I just heard a voice in my head say, "do it".

So I did.


It helps me block the hate-hate relationship I have with the mirror.  I still have a mirror and do find it important to use to make sure I look relatively decent. Looks are something needed, but it's not the only thing, especially for me.
 But the big mirror on the back of the door haunts me. I've looked at myself in it for 5 seconds and ended up changing my whole outfit for the day because I didn't look right. It has to do with those whole self-esteem thing, y'all. I don't see myself in a good light. EVER. (Also why I HATE having my picture taken, but that's a different story for a different blog). When I see how I look in the mirror, I point out every mark, blemish. I continually say words that make me hate myself, instead of seeing what I need to see, which is the fact that I am BETTER than what that mirror has to say.

In the ever-wise words of Barlow Girl:

"I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect.
So sorry you won't define me.
Sorry you don't own me.
Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?"
(this song may become my motto for the new year).


My word wall (as I have dubbed it) helps me build myself up with words. 
So now I don't have that pressure to look into the mirror everyday and see something I don't want to see. Now, I look and see the words I need to see to get me through the day (and this year!) There's scripture, song lyrics, quotes about everything-beauty, faith, perfectionism, and random thoughts to keep me going. 

I don't think it'll be a permanent fixture in my room (at least not on the mirror). But until I can thoughtfully look at myself in a full-length mirror and genuinely LOVE the girl I see looking back at me, letting words be the mirror to see what I need to be is what I need. 
I need some time to heal from the hurtful words I've said to myself in the mirror before I can see myself that way. It's gonna take time. I'm working on letting go, and that's a big deal for me. It's a process, and if you'll stick with me, I think I'll be okay. :) 

I leave you with a song and a request. The song lyrics to this song are the top of my word wall, and have been my prayer since I started this whole Beautiful 2013 thing. 
"This is my desire, consume me like a fire, cause I just want something beautiful"

The words really resonate-not just in this whole beauty/self-esteem thing I'm working on. But in my walk with God as well. I'm not sure where You're going to take me, but I'm gonna go along for the ride and find something beautiful in the midst of it (at least that's what I'm gonna aim for). 

As for the request. It's pretty easy: What are some things you think could help me make this year a beautiful 2013? I already have a few ideas in mind, and am prayerfully working on it. It doesn't necessarily have to be a "thing"-a topic, a project, a book/article etc. Anything that may help me attain my goal of being and seeing the beauty God has created. What would you find helpful?

Goodnight (or morning) my beloved friends. :) 

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